I always hold dearly in my heart my relationship with my father. I’ve always been vocal how I treasure him and no amount of words can express my longingness for his presence. There were times that I am caught by disbelief, marveling that he has just gone out of the country and failed to communicate with us just like his seafarer days.
While I am encumbered with occasional sadness specially during Father’s Day, I am likewise curious how my siblings are taking this season since he passed away. So in this post, I thought of collaborating with them in line with the Father’s Day occasion. It’s been a while since we settled into conversations discussing our feelings and thoughts about his death. There are things we see on the surface and easily dismiss, but still there are inner matters of the heart that remain unrevealed when the concern of grief or loss is brought up.
I asked them some questions about their relationship with our Dad and shared my answers as well.
Question 1: What is your favorite memory of Daddy that you miss the most?
Jaika: Cooking Adobong Paa (Chicken Feet) and Tokwa’t Baboy (fried tofu with pork). Nililinis niya yung car bago ako umuwi, tinatanong niya ako kung kumain na ako. Lagi niya tinatanong kung kailan ako uuwi at lagi nag jojoke at nag-wrowrong grammar. (He cleans the car before I leave, and asks me often if I have already eaten. He asks me when will I go home and he jokes around using silly English or wrong grammar.)
Vince: Ang pinaka-favorite memory ko kay daddy eh yung pag nag-Yayakiniku tayong family sa bahay. (My favorite memory of him was when we have Yakiniku at home as a family.)
Danica: A lot — driving me to work, waiting for me to come home at midnight especially after parties or social events. He always drops me to the airport when I travel. He cooks for me when I come home from work. He taught me recipes and cooking techniques.
Question 2: What traits do you think you got from Daddy?
Jaika: Sacrificial, family-oriented, matipid, (frugal), and masarap mag luto. (cooks well.)
Vince: Understanding, at yung pagiging generous kahit alam mong ito lang yung meron ka pero sasagad ka para maging happy yung iba. (Being generous even if you have little, but you’ll go all out just to make others happy.)
Danica: My passion for food was influenced by him. Being compassionate and selfless towards others and prioritizing the needs of the family over my own are also some of the traits I also got from him.
Question 3: What is one thing that you are most proud about Daddy?
Jaika: Raising 3 children na nakagraduate ng college sa magagandang school. (Raising 3 children and sending them to reputable schools.)
Vince: Yung napagtapos niya tayong tatlong magkakapatid at hindi siya sumuko sa buhay hanggang sa huli nyang hininga. (Letting us three finish education and never giving up until his last breath.)
Danica: Acknowledging and accepting Christ as His personal Savior during the last stage of his life. I am also proud of his integrity and honor, impeccable love for his mother, and dedication to his wife. He is very family-oriented.
Question 4: What is one thing you think Dad is most proud of you?
Jaika: Career success — bought our 1st car for the family, napagdrive ko siya kasi yun ang pangarap niya. Surprised daddy with ate their dream house, sayang lang di na niya ma-eenjoy. Yung pagiging matatag at masakripisyo na kahit hirap sa buhay at walang laman ang wallet palagi iniisip ang pamilya. Lahat ng achievements ko, Daddy at kung nasaan man ako, naging inspirasyon kita. (I bought the first car for the family and fulfilled Daddy’s dream of driving his own car. I surprised our family with their dream house together with Ate. It’s just too bad that he was not able to enjoy it. Daddy, you are my inspiration for all my achievements.)
Vince: Siguro, yung pagiging rap artist ko kahit matigas ulo ko kasi hindi ko tinuloy yung pagbabarko ko. Alam ko proud din siya sa akin kasi kahit anong mangyari, nandito pa rin ako para sa pamilya natin. (I think he is proud of my achievements as a rap artist, that even if I did not pursue my career as a seafarer, I still stood up for the family.)
Danica: Not to brag, but I did not grow up having vices or living a wasted, rebellious life in my teenage years. I was a good student and a daughter. I think that he is proud that I carried my values as I matured. And just like any first born, I have the leadership skills to steer the family. He was always proud of my achievements at school and at work.
Question 5: Do you have any regrets in your relationship with him?
Jaika: Spending more time with him.
Vince: Siguro yung pinaka-regret ko lang ay yung hindi ko natupad yung dream niya para sa akin na maging seafarer na may magandang buhay. Sorry Deh, ito talaga ang gusto ko. Masaya ako dito and alam ko balang araw na magbubunga din ito kahit alam kong medyo naiinip na kayo. (My biggest regret was not fulfilling his dream for me to be a seafarer with a successful life. Sorry Dad, this is my passion and this is what makes me happy and someday, I believe it will be fruitful in the end.)
Danica: Probably it was during the stage that I was kind of impatient with him when he was complaining about his sickness. I also kind of wanted to enjoy my freedom going out without being reprimanded of my restrictions. I wished to have spent more time with him and giving back the fruits of my labor in my career because it was through his hard work (and mom too) that I reached my success.
Question 6: If there could be anything you would change about Daddy, what would it be?
Jaika: Wala, perfect in my eyes. (Nothing, he is perfect as he is.)
Vince: Wala, kasi siya yun and tanggap ko kung ano si Daddy. (Nothing, I accept him for who he is.)
Question 7: Describe him as a father.
Jaika: Daddy is irreplaceable.
Vince: Napakamapagbigay at maintindihin. Handa siya magsakripsyo ng oras, presensya, pawis, at dugo para sa mga mahal niya sa buhay. Solid mo, Deh! Miss na miss na kita. (He’s very generous and understanding. He is willing to sacrifice his time, presence, sweat, and blood for his loved ones.)
Danica: He loves without condition and reason. He is selfless and hardworking. He may not have much, but he gave everything. He gave his life for us.
Question 8: What is the greatest lesson he has taught you?
Jaika: Matutong magbigay sa kapwa kahit walang wala ka din. Magsumikap sa buhay. Mag-aral nang mabuti ubang ang buhay ay bumuti. (Kuya Kim??!) (Learn to give to others even if you have nothing much left. Strive hard in life. Study hard.)
Vince: Family first.
Danica: Be humble and treat others fairly with respect. Don’t be envious of other’s success because God has blessed you in His own ways.
Vince is the second child of our parents, the only man in the family and in the Marasigan clan. He graduated with the course Bachelor of Science Major in Hotel and Restaurant Management in Lyceum of the Philippines University. He worked in the cruise ship as a kitchen staff but later on gave up his seafarer career to pursue his passion for hip hop music. Currently, he is the founder of Rekta Sa Kalye, a platform for urban street performance, showcasing local talents in the hip hop scene. Famous hip hop artists such as Shanti Dope, Al James, Omar Baliw, CLR, and Just Hush have become a part of Rekta Sa Kalye. Aside from writing music, biking is also his favorite pastime.
Jaika is the youngest in the family. She graduated with the course of Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Business Management in Asia Pacific College. She is a Xero Certified Accountant, a Bookkeeper and a Managing Partner. She loves dogs and cooking. She has an outgoing personality, is very sociable and amiable. She drives the family car. As an accountant, she knows how to handle her finances well.
Each one of us has a unique relationship with our dad. It’s not a perfect relationship and was tested through time in highs and lows. But I will always be reminded that his love, sacrifice, effort and time left an important legacy that we will forever carry through in our lives. Thanks, Daddy. Belated Happy Father’s Day.